I have been searching high and low — including my old cedar chest, my kitchen cupboards and the top closet shelf — for signs that 2021 is going to be a better year. Also, for my grandmother’s pink Melmac salt and pepper shakers.
And I’ve got exciting news: I found them! The salt and pepper shakers, I mean. I also found my old Girl Scout uniform and childhood coin collection, which I painstakingly protected by shielding individual coins in non-cling plastic wrap sealed with staples.
So 2021 is definitely off to a solid start.
But not just for me! I also saw signs that it’s going to be a better year for you, too. I discovered this when moving my search to the internet. It turns out, 2021 is the Chinese Year of the Ox, which is better than 2020, the Year of the Rat, which, in retrospect, seems about right.
Yes, oxen are objectively better than rats. They are stronger and more hardworking. When called upon, they can pull a wagon full of vaccine over great distances. Their feet are designed in such a way that makes it physically impossible for them to Tweet. Plus, the mere thought of one doesn’t make you queasy enough to faint. Honestly, the ox bodes well for 2021.
And that’s not all. My internet search also led me to something that could significantly impact our nation’s emotional well-being. I’m referring to pegboard.
You remember pegboard — that brown, water-stained hardboard with the pre-drilled holes that hung on your grandpa’s basement wall. He put various hooks in the holes where he hung his hammers, saws and other things you weren’t supposed to touch. It was usually warped.
Except, I’m not talking about your grandpa’s pegboard. This is 2021, and today’s pegboard isn’t just for older men with tools. Or basements.
Today’s pegboard is more age-, gender- and living space-inclusive. Don’t believe me? Ask the internet!
You’ll quickly see why we could all need it. Let’s face it, the reason we spend so much time searching is because things aren’t where they are supposed to be. Or they’re hidden away in boxes.
Pegboard changes that. It brings your grandmother’s salt and pepper shakers out of the shadows and puts them where they belong: on your spare bedroom wall.
In fact, I’d personally support a national building code that requires at least one wall in every room, closet, hallway, attic, nook and cranny be composed entirely of pegboard.
The code would also require you to paint it something other than brown. Unless you really like brown. I mean, maybe that’s your color scheme. Also, let’s add a mandatory tutorial on hook management.
My point is, let’s look to the ox. Let’s organize our walls. Let’s make 2021 a better year.