Me Time

Streaming on Netflix August 26.

THE PLOT:

“Me Time” concerns a dad, Sonny (Kevin Hart), who finds time for himself for the first time in years while his wife (Regina Hall) and kids are away. He reconnects with his childhood friend Huck (Mark Wahlberg) for a wild weekend.

LYNN’S TAKE:

A wretched example of immature guy adulting, “Me Time” attempts to make light of self-absorbed, self-indulgent guys who haven’t grown up but want to leave their mark in the world. There isn’t a shred of good humor in the entire 1 hour, 41 minutes’ run time.

How many juvenile jokes on body parts and bodily fluids can be used in a pathetic grab for easy laughs? Writer-director John Hamburg resorts to cheap humor because he is out of ideas, desperately grasping for gags about topics that may have trended.

And that’s sad because he is capable of being funny, for he wrote “Meet the Parents” and “Zoolander” -- but then he followed up with the awful sequels “Meet the Fockers” and “Zoolander 2.”

Hamburg directed the bromance “I Love You, Man,” but this is far from good dude energy. Unfunny and off-putting Kevin Hart, in annoying yappy dog mode, and an unengaging Mark Wahlberg, flat as the ‘straight man’ and going through the motions as a macho gym rat, do not have any chemistry, which could have at least made some of it palatable.

For a movie centered on male bonding, not only does that fail, but gender stereotypes that they try to break free from are actually reinforced instead.

In yet another role where he is playing a cringy blowhard badly in need of a comeuppance, Kevin Hart is an obnoxious ‘Mr. Mom,’ foolishly masking his insecurities. As pushy Sonny, he takes care of his home and two children while his architect wife Maya climbs up the corporate ladder. He’s tightly wound and tyrannical, not good qualities to have as president of the PTA.

Like an old sitcom, Sonny’s kids mock him and he pushes them too hard. The casting director did manage to cast two lively kids as the exasperated Fisher siblings –Amentii Sledge as Ava and Che Tefari as Dashielle. But how he’s married to Regina Hall’s upwardly mobile Maya is not clear (or believable, but not much is).

Instead of going with the family on spring break, Sonny joins his old best buddy, conceited alpha male Huck, at an elaborate desert bash for his 44th birthday. For “Huckchella,” he’s joined by a bevy of naked pleasure-seekers and the partying gets crazy-competitive.

Things get complicated, and mayhem ensues. Hart gets himself trapped in multiple predicaments, one involving a mountain lion, one involving a machete, and another saving a pet tortoise, poor thing.

Sonny’s extremely jealous of one of Maya’s clients and does something you heard about at the Depp-Heard trial. Seriously?

When some collection thugs threaten Huck, Sonny learns his lavish-living bestie has overspent on the extravagant trip. Then he regrettably lends him money, which might as well be board game bills. The two have a falling out but reconcile so this unwatchable mess can lurch to a conclusion.

Bad ideas begat more ridiculousness. Somehow, Seal shows up as a rented singer at a house party. And there is a school talent show where Dash has a meltdown in front of the audience for a public teachable moment. (And previously, at ruthless auditions, Kayden Koshelev, as Linus, sings “Hallelujah” well but is cut – yeah, the inappropriately chosen Leonard Cohen song.)

The characters are a grab bag of ‘types.’ There’s an intense crossing guard (Diane Delano) who is used as a cautionary tale. A wacky Uber driver (Amanda Barlow). A babysitter (Michelle DeShon) who is also a club dancer.

Even for L.A., all the males portrayed here are insufferable shallow caricatures, especially Andrew Santino as a porn-obsessed dad and Luis Gerardo Mendez as Maya’s woke influencer client Armando.

Somehow, the two buds go into business together and we get the ubiquitous ‘all’s well that ends well’ wrap-up. And a crude fart joke.

This hollow exercise is devoid of any laughs – or reasoning. Save the nearly two hours you’d never get back. Life’s too short to spend it on this drivel.