Bless me, readers, for I have sinned. If you gather around the newspaper, I will tell you all about it.
Before we begin, the thing you should remember is this: This sin was not my fault. No, my husband is more than 50% responsible for it. The remaining guilt is borne by the younger of my two sons. Henceforth, these two shall not only carry a heavy weight on their souls, but also the liability for tarnishing an otherwise pure spirit such as my own.
I say this for a reason. Sin-wise, we women generally get blamed for everything. I mean, Adam eats the forbidden fruit and what does he do? He immediately throws Eve under the bus, claiming she made him do it. You know what happened next, and for all eternity.
How differently might their story — and ours — be had the tables been turned. Instead of an apple, what if the serpent had been tempting them with, say, tickets to a sold-out game?
I betcha Eve would have turned down THAT offer in a heartbeat. I mean, she had a great new garden to explore!
But would Adam have turned down the hottest ticket in town? Not likely, especially if he were anything like my husband and son. Which brings me, finally, to my aforementioned sin.
Here it is: The three of us recently snuck into a soccer game without paying. In my husband and son’s defense, it was between top West Coast college rivals.
Also, they TRIED to buy tickets. But the 10,000 student tickets were scooped up before my son could claim one. General admission seats were also sold out. StubHub had nothing. You couldn’t even scalp a ticket at the stadium.
Let me interrupt this story to say: Are you kidding me? For a regular season college soccer game? During COVID?
No, I am not kidding. I’m no soccer expert, but I think a high percentage of the students attending these games are there to fling tortillas — Frisbee-style — at the opposing team. Sometimes they score a direct hit. Also, 99% are vaccinated.
My point is, the game was about to start and thousands of students were still lined up outside, waiting to have the tickets on their phones scanned.
That’s when the sin happened. My son noticed the gates had opened and stadium workers had stopped scanning tickets. Like the chocolate candy conveyor belt scene from “I Love Lucy,” things quickly sped out of control.
Against my objections, my husband and son entered the swarm. I had no choice but to join them. I mean, they had the car keys.
My husband pulled up an old QR code on his phone, just in case. I waved my phone, which was turned off, in the direction of a worker. I steeled myself, preparing to be caught and banished from the stadium. But we weren’t.
And here is my confession: It was kinda fun.